Game of Carcosa: Breaker of Chains


Carcosa may be an inbred pedophile, but I reckon I haven’t spoiled anything about the series yet. The Yellow King’s spoiler-free disposition makes it very hard to drop clues about my existence…very hard. However – look into the shadows little priest. You soon may find the assassin that killed that one character in one of the previous episodes…

Sunday night HBO is a sanctuary of sorts for The Yellow King. It almost makes me forget I live in a sloppy, dilapidated plantation. I usually cook up a grand pot of alligator/squirrel gumbo (with extra filé) then I consume premium cable like I consume unpainted houses with my paintbrush.





King of the Hill Season Three: Every Episode Ranked


PART 3 OF 13

King of the Hill’s third season features the first episode to address Nancy’s affair with John Redcorn outside of ironic one liners, and if you get to the bare bones of things its one of the darker plot lines of the series – especially when Peggy ultimately elects to not tell Dale. However, in a season where Buckley dies, Peggy falls out of a plane, and Bill tries to kill himself, its easy to overlook the unwholesomeness of everything that affair entails.


This is the story Khan tells at Buckley’s funeral (Death of a Propane Salesman)
The song Bobby listens to while wallowing in heartbreak is I’m So Lonesome I could Cry by Hank Williams Sr. (And they Call it Bobby Love).
Rad Thibodeaux gives Hank a stack of AOL trial discs in the hopes of getting 10 free hours. (The Wedding of Bobby Hill).
A pre-Will Ferrell Will Ferrell voices the coach of Bobby’s soccer team (Three Coaches and a Bobby).
Among the methods Bill attempts suicide are jumping off a single story roof, sticking his head inside an electric oven, and repeatedly banging his head inside a nightstand drawer (Pretty, Pretty, Dresses)

25. And They Call It Bobby Love (E02)
24. Next of Shin (E05)
23. To Spank With Love (E11)
22. Pregnant Paws (E04)
21. Peggy’s Pageant Fever (E06)
20. Love Hurts…and So Does Art (E18)
19. Three Coaches and a Bobby (E12)
18. The Wedding of Bobby Hill (E14)
17. Jon Vitti Presents: Return to La Grunta (E16)
16. Take Me Out of the Ballgame (E24)
15. Death And Texas (E22)
14. Revenge of the Lutefisk (E21)
13. Escape from Party Island (E17)
12. Good Hill Hunting (E08)
11. Wings of Dope (E23)
10. Dog Dale Afternoon (E20)
9. Hank’s Cowboy Movie (E19)
8. As Old As the Hills Pt. I (E25)
7. A Firefighting We Will Go (E10)
6. Death of a Propane Salesman (E01)

5. Peggy’s Headache (E03)

4. Sleight of Hank (E15)

3. Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men (E07)

2. De-Kahnstructing Henry (E13)

1. Pretty Pretty Dresses (E09)

King of the Hill Season Two: Every Episode Ranked


PART 2 OF 13

Greatness came with the quickness. With season two airing from 1997-1998, King of the Hill caught fire just as the bottom was about to fall out from The Simpsons.

On an unrelated note, I need it to be acceptable to have a mixtape DJ talk for two minutes in lieu of me writing an intro. It would be clutch if DJ Drama can do the writing version of this:


To circumvent a suspended driver’s license, Dale suggests Cotton put a sail on his car and call it a boat (The Final Shinsult).
Coach Kleehammer calls Title IX, “Dick Nixon’s biggest mistake” (Bobby Slam).
Hank’s first car was a lemon, sold to him by his father (Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby’s Saga).
For Halloween, Dale dresses up as a high priced Washington lobbyist peddling influence (Hilloween).

22. Husky Bobby (E06)
21. Leanne’s Saga (E18)
20. I Remember Mono (E13)
19. Peggy’s Turtle Song (E21)
18. The Final Shinsult (E17)
17. Texas City Twister (E02)
16. Meet the Manger Babies (E11)
15. Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby’s Saga (E20)
14. The Son That Got Away (E08)
13. The Man Who Shot Cane Skretteberg (E07)
12. How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying (E01)
11. Bobby Slam (E09)
10. The Arrowhead (E03)
9. Traffic Jam (E15)
8. Hilloween (E04)
7. Three Days of the Kahndo (E14)
6. Snow Job (E12)

5. Hank’s Dirty Laundry (E16)

4. Junkie Business (E19)

3. Propane Boom Pt. I (E22)

2. The Unbearable Blindness of Laying (E10)

1. Jumpin’ Crack Bass (It’s a Gas, Gas, Gas) (E05)

King of the Hill Season One: Every Episode Ranked


PART 1 OF 13

If King of the Hill boasts anything over The Simpsons, its the fact that the series never got so bad that it became unwatchable (it also helps that the show was good). This eliminates all that ‘golden age’ guesswork used in the last installment of Every Episode Ranked. And for that, all 13 seasons of King of the Hill will be watched – one for each month of the true calendar year.



This factoid will be a brief, uncharacteristic moment devoid of smoke and mirrors: I’m from Texas. There’s a degree of in-state podunkness depicted in King of the Hill that might be questioned by those on the outside looking in. As a person that had to recite this every morning at grade school, I can assure any non-native that most of it checks out. Hunneds of Hank Hills roaming these streets.

We really out here.


13. Keeping Up With Our Joneses (E10)
12. Hank’s Got Willies (E05)
11. Shins of the Father (E08)
10. Pilot (E01)
9. Square Peg (E02)
8. Hank’s Unmentionable Problem (E07)
7. The Company Man (E12)
6. Plastic White Female (E11)

5. Peggy the Boggle Champ (E09)

4. Luanne’s Saga (E04)

3. King of the Ant Hill (E13)

2. Order of the Straight Arrow (E03)

1. Westie Side Story (E06)

Crude animation and slightly off voice acting aside, the first season was surprisingly consistent with the rest of the series. None of the characters’s race changed a year into the show and most were well defined early on in the series. While season one grounds itself in realism, King of the Hill really starts to get hot as it teeters more into exaggerated caricature…